Have you ever been called a  Drama Queen or King  and feel the injustice of it all? Jeez, how did I get caught up in THAT?…Again…?

Perhaps being on the front row of a Drama Dance you did not want to see, you have sighed with resignation, here we go again.  The Drama Zone can come alive in the home, work or a social gathering.  Often, it is too late to back out when yet another friend, family member, coworker or partner gets triggered on a hair trigger you inadvertently tripped..oh wow hold on tight and breathe!  Worst yet, you stepped on an emotional landmine and find yourself taking cover and running away to avoid yet another blow up you had no idea was coming. These are all signals that you are in the presence of a Drama Specialist or have cast yourself in the starring role. You know you have encountered a Drama Specialist if someone continually takes offense, is on the defensive, needs to have his/her own way all the time, or has to be right at all costs.   If you find that you are front and center in drama taking place on a regular basis then it is time to declare a Drama Free Zone.

All of us have played both parts of the Drama Game.  Some of them are more subtle than others but, the Drama Zone comes at a hefty cost.  For the Drama Specialist , my way is the only way is a clear cue.  My own southern heritage has helped me spot the Drama Queen behavior in myself and others when a simple ‘bless your heart’ really means ‘GO jump in a lake’ … or something more crude.

Being a Drama Specialist has very little upside beyond the quite temporary relief one gets of having a hissy fit – especially one that we think is totally justified and well deserved.  Consider the costs. It shuts down real communication, erodes the trust of others while in your presence, erases respect, and causes others to avoid interaction, not to mention a host of other consequences.

We have been witness to major drama at play on the world stage that carries a cast of hundreds. Closer to home many feel isolated because of the unexpected fallout when simple dinner conversation ended up with heated arguments, deadly silence or someone stomping from the room in a huge huff.  But, there are ways to dialogue and even disagree with love and respect.

If you find yourself becoming a Drama Queen, King or Specialist know that it is possible to live your truth, feelings, and desires out loud without ensnaring others in your drama.  No longer do you require others to see things your way or do things your way in order to keep them in your life.  There are ways of interacting with passion, intelligence and respect.  It is not necessary to agree in order to have a stimulating dialogue. We learn that being drama free is not about living a boring life.  It is about having powerful interactions where everyone is free to own his or her position without penalty.

We begin with a simple decision made with diligence.  Today we can choose.  There are many ways, not just my way. There are many viewpoints, not just my view.  I no longer need to throw others out of my heart when they take a different stance from mine.

Many of us may have wondered, ‘How can I stay in relationship with this person when I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop?’ or,  ‘how can I eliminate my need to get my way at all costs?’  or, ‘If I do not get my way or feel heard, there will be hell to pay, because I need to be right, and I will  be heard no matter what!’.  Regardless of which side of the equation you find yourself on there are practical steps we all can take besides diving for cover when the Drama Specialist goes on a rampage.

We all have participated in both sides of the Drama Zone. These are some of the types of Drama Specialists: Victim Queen, Throw Down King, the Passive Aggressive Queen, Take No Prisoners King, Covert Operator Sabotage Specialist, of course there are other varieties as well.  AND YES, we can recognize, recover and rise up out of the fray of confrontation which puts a damper on everyone’s day.

Today we can choose to live in a way that fosters respect, appreciation and trust.   Today we can choose to come from heart-centered responses which honor our own principles and still engage in passionate dialogue.

First of all, please know:

  • It is not our job to fix another’s discomfort  that is called rescue.
  • It is not our role to engage in drama in order to placate that too is called rescue.
  • It is not our’s to judge the correctness of how another shows up that is called projection.

Second of all, when caught up in the fray avoid:

  • Stamp collecting (I’ll save up all the slights and cash in)
  • Tweeting (The world needs to know how hurt I am and bad you are)
  • Posting (The same only you get more characters in which to spread emotional mayhem)


Reverend Elizabeth Thompson